- 1 - Fat Man on a Little Bus
- 2 - Keeping Las Vegas Safe From Litterers and Al Qaeda
- 3 - Why was Pedro in Beijing and Why Was He Naked?
I haven’t added to my annoying people series in a while, so I think it’s time I introduced a person who could be a whole series on their own: the annoying hostel roommate. I’m sure I’ll be writing many more posts in the future about people with whom I’ve been stuck in dorm rooms over the years, but I’m going to begin with one of my favorites: Pedro.
Leo Hostel in Beijing. Can you tell I have no pictures for this post? As you’ll see, that’s a good thing.
First off, let me state that Pedro is not this guy’s real name. I’m not trying to protect his identity or anything quite so noble—in fact, anyone as annoying as Pedro deserves to have that annoyingness pointed out to the world (or, in this case, ten readers). I’m calling him Pedro simply because I don’t know his real name and never did. No one did. At some point, someone just started calling him Pedro because he kind of looked like one (and they had recently watched Napoleon Dynamite), so it stuck.
I encountered Pedro at Leo Hostel in Beijing. When I first entered my dorm room, Pedro was lying on his bed in a VERY skimpy pair of skin-tight briefs. He was on his side, his head propped up on an elbow, his gaze fixated on his laptop screen. The laptop speakers were emitting a constant stream of sobbing and shrieking; I later learned those are the sounds of a Peruvian soap opera. Apparently, those are the ONLY sounds of a Peruvian soap opera.
I gave my new roommate a quick hello, but was completely ignored. Over the next few days, every single time I or anyone else set foot in our dorm room, Pedro was in the same position, watching what sounded like the exact same scene (granted, he did switch sides occasionally). So far, his behavior wasn’t necessarily all that bad, but unfortunately, it didn’t change at night. He continued to watch his soap opera at pretty much the same volume until the early hours of the morning. I guess he didn’t quite understand the human sleep cycle.
Luckily, Leo is a party hostel, so most of us never went to bed without copious amounts of Tsingdao beer and baijiu (a Chinese paint thinner sold as liquor to people too cheap to buy vodka) in our stomachs, making it possible to fall asleep even while listening to people scream and cry in overly dramatic Spanish. We did have one or two roommates who chose not to drink and tried going to bed early, but ironically, those of us who stayed up most of the night partying actually ended up getting more sleep.
After a day or two, just as we’d all grown accustomed to Pedro and his horrible soaps, everything changed. I unlocked the dorm room door and stepped inside as usual, expecting to see our hairy friend in his little underwear and hoping to learn if shrieking and sobbing Consuela finally had her baby, but no such luck. The laptop was gone and Pedro’s bed was empty. For the first time ever, Pedro was actually standing next to his bed and he wasn’t just standing around like most of us losers, he was in a full-on hero’s pose, with his hands on his hips like a ship’s captain gazing out at the distant horizon.
As for the tight, white underwear…well, they were nowhere to be seen. And they had not been replaced. That’s right, Pedro had finally realized he was overdressed for the Beijing heat and had decided to rectify that. I can’t say why he was standing—no, posing—naked in the middle of the room and can say even less why he did not even flinch when I opened the door and walked in.
My best guess is that he had just taken a shower, but did not have a towel and had decided to let the breeze do the towel’s work. I walked toward my bed but realized before I got there that I no longer had any idea what I had come into the room for, so I did a quick about-face and left. Pedro didn’t budge.
The next time I entered the room a few hours later, I made sure to have other people with me—there was no way I was going back in without backup. Or witnesses. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to anyone that Pedro was right back on his bed in his tiny little underwear. In fact, apart from the one naked posing incident, no one ever saw him out of the bed or in any clothes besides the briefs.
All of this raises an interesting question (ok, it raises hundreds, but let’s focus on this one): why the hell was he in Beijing? He didn’t go anywhere or do anything. I’ll admit, the heat and humidity was almost unbearable and the construction dust and smog probably took ten years off all our lives (this was about a month before the Beijing Olympics, so there was a LOT of construction), but staying in your hostel bed isn’t the best solution. Not being in Beijing would work a lot better, for one.
I suppose it’s possible he was actually out sightseeing and taking pictures most of the day and he just coincidentally happened to always be in bed and in his underwear whenever I or anyone else walked in the room……but I doubt it. So why was he there? What was he doing? I’m actually asking here…any ideas? I would love to know, because I kind of need a conclusion to this post and so far, I’ve got nothing. For all I know, Pedro’s still there in the same bed watching the same show—but hopefully not in the same underwear.
This page has practical information on Beijing, including recommendations for places to stay. For the rest of China, head here.
Oh man. We have not really had good luck in dorms during our trip so far and now try to avoid them whenever we can. We actually had a similar situation to yours when a dorm in Taipei could not be avoided, though as fate would have it, we got to share our room with TWO weirdos, not just one. We had a Polish guy who unceremoniously dropped trou (in a mixed-sex dorm no less! Thankfully I was in the bathroom and only Tony had to see that!) and there was also a German kid who was just like Pedro and sat on his bunk all day watching things on his laptop with his headphones on. The only time he took his headphones off was when he would Skype with his mother for hours at a time. Why he had to have these conversations so that the whole dorm could hear them, I do not know. Why he only left the hostel in 5 minute bursts so he could pick up convenience store sushi when there was a night market not 10 feet from our hostel, I also do not know. I guess there are just some mysteries the human mind was not meant to solve!
Steph (@ 20 Years Hence) recently contributed to world literature by posting..Revelations in the Rice Terraces
I never got why some people will camp out in a hostel dorm and basically never leave the place. I can understand if you’re spending a longer period of time in a city and don’t want to go out every day, but in that case, I always end up getting an apartment or at least a private room. You can usually get a large discount when you stay for a longer time, so it’s not like the dorm is even all that much cheaper. If at all. As you said: it’s an unsolved mystery…
Daniel McBane recently contributed to world literature by posting..Large Drunk Bikers In Seoul’s Hongdae Children’s Park
Scenes like this is the reason why, when I turned 30, I decided that hostel dorms is no longer for me 🙂 Seen too much flesh and heard too much unwanted noise at night.
jill recently contributed to world literature by posting..My Kind of Beach in Belitung, Indonesia
I hear you. China was the only country in Asia where I bothered with dorm rooms, mainly because the hostels there generally have excellent dorms–clothing deficient, hairy Peruvians notwithstanding–and you save a lot over private rooms.
Daniel McBane recently contributed to world literature by posting..Winter Photos of Berlin and the Hell I Endured to Get Them
I was actually harassed years ago when at a hostel in Spain.. I’m a man (was around 22 at the time) Was traveling alone for 5 days and was staying in a mixed dorm with 5 girls (all Asian American- spoke perfect English so I assumed) one older one who I guess was one of their mothers) and 2 random:shady Eastern European/Russian guys who travelled together but were never really around much. Thought they were in the KGB or something.. I am pretty comfortable with being naked around people if I have to be, but am always courteous/respectful to those around me. One night, I had just gotten in from a long day of touring and was alone in the room. I showered and walked back to my room. I hung my towel on edge of the bed, but as I was about to pull my suitcase out from under the bed, 3 of the Asian girls came into the room, without me having time to react, staring at “me” as they talked.. I didn’t cover and just continued getting the suitcase and dressed. Figured I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it and thought it would make the situation more awkward if I ran to cover up.. Also thought they’d give me some form of privacy for a second.. this didn’t happen. With how the room was setup, their bunk beds were right next to the door when you walk in, so they had a clear look over to my bed which was on the right when you walk in, further to the corner, a single bed that faced the wall so with the angle, there was no good way for them not to see me. In my peripheral, I see them staring hard at me (invading my privacy) . A few seconds later, one has their phone out and starts aiming it my way. what they didn’t know is their video flash was set to on so when they started to film, it shined over to me.. they were definitely taking a video. The girl quickly turned the phone and pretended they were taking selfies. Later in the night after watching a movie on my laptop, I took my ear buds out and I overheard the girls talking about seeing me naked. One girl joked and started referring to me as “The elephant man” .. yes, I have a larger than normal pen** (not wide, but a lot longer than usual..) but never felt a need to brag or show off. I’m really not like that. These girls started constantly looking at me the next day, and would hear them talk in the lobby when I would walk by, “it’s the elephant man.” Then they would laugh, thinking I didn’t know they were referring to me.. acting like they were talking about something else. I felt ridiculed.. They stared at me like I was some freak and basically got off to it in their own mean way. Pretty sure they were able to get that video of me for 2 seconds as well.. I have major trust issues and this experience didn’t help at all.. this was my only negative experience at a hostel; every other time the people have been truly wonderful to be around, respectful and kind.